Whole Foods Doughnut, why do you suck?

Over the summer I went to Portland. At that point in my life I really couldn’t have cared less about doughnuts. It was a kind of food that I never really even thought about. I had heard about Vodoo Doughnuts but I didn’t add it to my mental “must go” list. That all changed when my friend came to pick me up and take me to Washington. She really wanted to go to voodoo before we left town, and so we went to the one downtown. They had a line around the block in the middle of the afternoon and I couldn’t believe it. We went to the second location and found no line and a whole assortment of vegan doughnuts for me. It was one of those moments where your life changes forever and you know it is never going to be the same again.

They had every kind of doughnut I have ever seen and they were all vegan! They even had voodoo doll shaped doughnuts that came with a little pretzel to stab him with. I had a chocolate covered cream filled doughnut and it brought me right back to Mel-O-Cream Doughnuts which is the only place I ever had doughnuts as a kid. They had these little tiny trays for your doughnut and it was always a very special treat. In high school we would go there sometimes at 4 in the morning when they just opened for a late night snack. They were glorious, the perfect example of a fresh, sugary, comforting doughnut. I realized that after I left Springfield doughnuts weren’t special anymore; good but not something to be sought out. I think I blocked them out. The voodoo doughnut transported me back to another time and I didn’t want it to end.

When I got back to Austin after my experience I saw the prominently marked “Vegan Doughnuts” staring at me while I waited in the taco line at Whole Foods. I knew they wouldn’t be as good as voodoo but every time I went back, there they were taunting me.  I finally tried one expecting something like Dunkin Donuts or a Krispey Kreme. These doughnuts can’t even began to compete on even that level. It isn’t even as good as one of those doughnut that you get at the gas station that is wrapped in a plastic wrapper and has been on the shelf for 2 years. In a word, disappointing. If they weren’t labeled doughnut I never would have guessed from taste that that is what they were. I think Melisser described it best in a recent post on the Urban Housewife when she wrote that they reminded her of a dinner roll. The worst part about it is that I imagine all sorts of people trying this doughnut because Whole Foods is a really popular place and thinking that this is the best vegans can do. I imagine someone thinking “huh Vegan doughnut, sounds crazy but I will give it a try. good god, I was right that vegan stuff is always gross”. Or that young vegan kid, out with his friends for the first time downtown. They decide to go for doughnuts and he tells them they should go to Whole Foods because he can eat the doughnuts there. Those kids would probably make fun of him for the rest of his life.  Maybe he would even get beat up. Is that what you want Whole Foods? To be responsible for anti-vegan violence? This is not the best veganism can be!

Thank God that sitting right next to those doughnuts is the true love of my life, the breakfast taco. I promise I will never stray from you again.I did see a new doughnut cart, though, on Lamar, I am holding out hope that I will have vegan doughnuts again!

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23 thoughts on “Whole Foods Doughnut, why do you suck?”

  1. twoveganboys

    We tried the vegan donuts at Whole Foods. They were awful. I am a super duper fan of lemon and was excited about the lemon-filled vegan donut until I tried it. Terrible! Josh had the so called vegan apple fritter. There was not one bite of apple in the whole thing. Lame. Very lame!

  2. Lovliebutterfly

    Oh wow! Those voodoo donuts look awesome! That’s one thing I miss as a vegan, some good donuts. There are none here that they sell in the shops that are vegan. So I can either do it myself or just go without (like I do!). But if I’m ever in Washington I’ll sure try one of those donuts!

  3. leslie

    We went to Portland in July and I had a chick-o-stick donut from Voodoo Donuts. It was deeelicious! They were having some type of Zombie Fest in the back parking lot which was fun too 🙂

  5. Jes

    Oh god, dinner roll donuts? That’s awful. The only vegan donuts I’ve bought were some at an awesome coffee shop in Philly. I think one of the baristas makes them. They rocked. One day I’ll make it to Portland!

  6. Alin

    It’s amazing how many people think those WF donuts are good. Like…..have they tried donuts before? Because those aren’t it.

    Yeah, VooDoo has mastered the art of donut.

    I’ve noticed that trailer too, literally just set up shop. I’m too lazy to pull in, so you let me know what you find!

  7. fortheloveofguava

    I’ve heard vegan donut hate crimes have been on the rise… I had some packaged vegan donuts from whole foods the other day (also disappointing)… hmm… something really should be done!

  9. veganf

    All the vegan baked goods at Whole Paycheck suck. The worst IMO is the cakes…they look B-eautiful, and then you try to take a forkful, and it crumbles off in your lap and if you do get some in your mouth you need a liter of almond milk at least to wash it down, like you’ve got cottonmouth or some salivary gland disease. And the cupcakes too are exactly the same, only there isn’t even a good frosting to tease you, just more crumbliness, which is not the thing you want to send your vegan kid with to school. The kids may be jealous at the sheer size of the cupcake, but when it falls around your chair like Cookie Monster eating a box of cocoa crispies…not so much. On the rare occasion that I’m out of frozen cupcakes and missed a school birthday announcement, I’ve frosted just about ANYTHING else before succumbing to WF baked goods: muffins, brownies, cookies. Has WF EVER tasted their baked goods I wonder???

  10. Alin

    The only WF vegan baked goodies I can handle are the Peanut Butter Cookies. It’s quite fantastic! I sneak it into movies. 🙂

  11. lazysmurf Post author

    veganf- that is what I wonder, how can they taste this and think it is OK to serve

    Alin – I never tried the peanut butter but I thought the big john was OK, who are these people that like the donut?

  12. Marie

    You’ve got me thinking about breakfast tacos..none to be found in NY 😦 In fact, I’m writing a post all abou tex-mex here.

  14. Diann

    After yours and Melisser’s reviews, I sure won’t be buying any of these. B’fast tacos anywhere here are pretty awesome.

  15. kimmykokonut

    I get angry too when there is crappy vegan food available for the public to buy. As if there already isn’t a bias by omnis that vegan food may not be tasty, then WF encourages this sort of mind set. How can there only be amazing delicious awesome vegan food available to people? I guess a lot of us would have to open up shop…

  16. mihl

    Doughnuts that suck is mean. In my town we have vegan ice cream that sucks…I had the same thoughs about it. People would try it and think: “Those poor vegans have to eat this crappy food!”. I’ve though about donating some of my ice cream recipes to them.

  18. Melisser

    MAN, I was SO bummed! I went twice trying to get these & when I finally did, they were such a letdown. I can’t wait to try the Raised at Voodoo!

  20. lazysmurf Post author

    LOL- I am from Springfield my sister & I were just reminicing about Mel-o-creme over the weekend!

  21. Neesha

    I have been vegan for 6 years and I think I can remember what a donut tastes like, and I have LOVED most of the WF donuts I’ve had. I especially like the chocolate-covered donut and the apple fritter. I have not enjoyed the ones with filling, but I’ve only ever had one of them.

  22. Shannon

    I see this is an old post, I would strongly recommend giving the vegan donuts another chance as they are amazing! The apple fritters are the best, but they are all great. I would say the raspberry filled one is the worst, and it looks like you got a similar one. They are so good sometimes we have to fight people for them on the weekends. The Big John cookies are also delicious. Then on a whole foods note, if you haven’t tried the vegan chicken nuggets you are missing out on life!

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