Let’s imagine for a minute that you live in Texas. Just picture it, the heat hits you like a suffocating wave of vaporous molten lava. You crave a savory bloody mary because you want something spicy and substantive but it is Sunday and you live in Texas so you can’t buy liquor (buying alchohol on Sunday makes baby Jesus cry) plus a Bloody Mary isn’t exactly refreshing. No, when its this hot and you want a savory drink there is really only one option: the Michelada. Now, the non vegan version often involves a substance called clamato which sounds like a lot of fun but in fact muders defenseless clams. You could buy vegan micheladas but if you make it at home it can be so green that you can feel good about it.
Step One: Fill your glass with ice (preferably made from filtered rainwater)
Step Two: Pour organic tomato juice into the glass until you hit the halfway point. (If you are using a lazy smurf glass that is about to the third z)
Step Three: Add Bragg’s liquid aminos or any other non GMO organic soy product to taste
Step Four: Add Happy Dogs Hot Sauce to taste. There are other vegan hot sauces out there but are they really going to make dogs happy? I personally prefer a happy dog.
Step Five: Add “the Wizard’s Original Organic Vegan Worcestershire sauce. If you want the ultimate vegan drink you gotta go with the wiz, man, NO SUBSTITUTIONS!
Step Six: Squeeze in some lime. I think key limes are more authentic and usually regular grocery store limes are hybridized with lemons, picked before they are ready (probably by underpaid illegal workers), chemically “ripened” through some sort of a crazy formaldehyde process and then shipped all over the world.
Step Seven: Add olive juice optionally and only if you like olives.
Step Eight: Slowly pour in your Pasbst Blue Ribbon Beer or other locally brewed Mexican style pilsner. The choice here is a little more complicated, on the one had the “Schwag Beer” is brewed through an evil multi-national company that supports all sorts of republican-style malarkey but the locally brewed choice will probably be filter through a fish bladder so here you are going to have to pick your battle.
Enjoy with a clear consious.
Lazy Smurf's Guide 
I know its just not the same without a lazy smurf cup… but I will have to give it a try, just in case.
And love that you chose pbr!
Dear Lazy Smurf…I just want to make sure that you are not making a joke…is it really true that in Texas you cannot buy alcohol on Sunday? Nowhere…supermarket, pub…??? Is it by law? … sorry for so many questions …
This sounds good in this heat. Geez, it is ridiculous here.
Marianna- You can buy beer and wine on Sunday but not liquor. It surprised me, being from Illinois where you can get a gallon of vodka at any gas station but that is acutually how several states operate. I know Indiana is the same. In Washington you could only get liquor at government run stores!
hahaha…. there were too many things I loved about that post… but really between snarkiness and sustainability you can’t really go wrong… 🙂
Oh my goodness, this sounds ridiculously perfect. Baby jesus cries if we try to buy anything alcoholic on Sundays, unfortunately, so I’d have to be stocked up on beer too, but for serious, I’m craving one right now!
HA! check out your smurf glass–I have the smurfette one from the same series! I just wish I had more. and yes yes for tomato-based alcoholic beverages! WIN.
That was great, I mean for the comedy factor. In different parts of Mexico, however, they make Micheladas without the clamato (or organic tomato juice). Instead, it’s a beer, lime juice, salt, worchestershire (or Magi) and tabasco.
You’re post was great, though, thanks!
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